Moving on: I recently asked some brides-to-be and recent newlyweds about the most difficult part of their planning process. One, because I want to write articles that are relevant and two, because I was interested to see other problems that people ran into (our biggest issue was organizing food that wouldn't cost a fortune).

I had some interesting responses, but one that really stuck out to me involves the issue of RSVPs. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that this was a huge pet peeve of mine during our planning process, and one that I think needs to be addressed.

RSVPs are tricky, especially if you have a lot of family and friends who live close and are more than likely coming to the wedding and reception. Numbers are a necessary evil when it comes to planning weddings, but are ESPECIALLY evil if you're planning on a budget, because 20 unexpected people can break you really quickly (especially if you're renting and purchasing everything a la carte: 20 people can be two whole extra tables).

Here's the question: how should RSVPs be handled by brides, and how should they be handled by guests?

For guests:

My beautiful friend Brooke dancing at my wedding. Photo via Kim Stahnke Photography

I'll start with noting that, as a society (and particularly as a generation), we have lost sight of how to properly respond to an invitation.

I won't start raving about evites for weddings and showers, because it is not the time or place. But because of e-mail and social media, we forget that weddings are kind of a big deal and require a little bit more thought and effort in response than a text or Facebook party invitation. A wedding is the biggest, most important party most people will plan in an entire lifetime, and will hopefully only happen once in a lifetime. It is because of this fact alone that the wedding invitation deserves a prompt response. This doesn't even include the fact that the bride and groom have thoughtfully and painstakingly prepared their guest list, and have spent good time and money purchasing, addressing and sending invitations. These are just other really good reasons why, if you get an invitation to a wedding in the mail, you should

a). feel very honored

b). fill out the RSVP card and mail it back immediately

Things are really easy for us now, because RSVP cards were considered borderline rude only 20 years ago. This is because it was commonly accepted etiquette that if you received a wedding invitation in the mail, you would immediately send a handwritten note of acceptance and thanks for being invited to such an important event.

Guests, do your friends/family members a favor and RSVP ASAP!

For Brides: My gorgeous friend Jen at her wedding

As stated, RSVPs are a relatively new thing, probably because weddings are bigger now than they ever have been in the past (both in numbers and in production) and there are many details that need to be planned that are directly related to the number of guests.

There are a few things to keep in mind: yes, your wedding is the biggest event of your life. A common thing I hear from brides today is that more people=more presents. This is flat out rude. Sending out wedding invitations indiscriminately may produce more gifts for you, but it will also paint you as a greedy couple. If you cannot avoid inviting everyone you know, then your RSVP system needs to be organized and efficient, or you will go crazy.

1. It is perfectly okay to put a date on your RSVPs. Wedding invitations should be sent out 6-8 weeks before the wedding, and you may list the an "RSVP-by" date that is 2-3 weeks before your date. This should give you more than enough time to figure out final numbers for food and rentals, and if it doesn't, you may want to consider if you have sent out too many impersonal* invitations

(*this sounds really blunt and rude, and I am sorry if I offend anyone. But think about it: As a guest, I am more likely to quickly respond to an invitation for someone I really know and love than if I really feel that I am just a gift invite. TRUST ME: REALLY considering who you invite can only help you! Don't you only want people there who really care about you anyway?)

2. If you are not including RSVP cards in an invitation and have chosen instead to do this online, make this very obviously clear in your invitations, or people will breeze right over it and forget (like I said, we have gotten rude as a society when it comes to these things).

3. If you haven't heard back from a large number of people and it is 3 weeks before your wedding, it is okay for YOU (not members of your party) to call only those who are very close to you on the list. This is why, again, it is better to pare down in the beginning, because chances are you will have to pare down at the end.

To summarize: Brides, your wedding is a big event, and although you might want every person you've ever met to be there, you may want to consider only inviting those who really mean something to you because it is an important event and because so much is riding on who attends.

Guests, being invited to a wedding is an honor should be treated as such. Remember: RSVP ASAP. If a card has been enclosed in the invitation, send it in promptly. And it never hurts to take a few minutes and write to the bride or groom telling them how happy you are for them. A little kindness goes a long way :)

Speaking of which, I am going to take my own advice and start writing some letters!!