History and Etiquette: Wedding Invitations
6:22 PM
A little history and etiquette lesson today:"It is far better to write personal letters or inform your friends of your marriage by telephone than to have your invitations and announcements printed. They should always been engraved...There are slight variations from time to time, but essentially the engraving procedure is rigidly conventional. Do it right, or don't do it at all.
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The most distinguished wedding paper is the traditional ivory or ecru. Pure white is now seldom used. Symptomatic of the rebellion of the young versus the Establishment, and simultaneously with the barefoot bride and groom of the sixties being married in the cornfield, there was a rash of 'poetic' wedding invitations. These were invitations often with drawings and the message charmingly written in personal tones. However, with the return of more formality, this kind of invitation is disappearing."
-The Amy Vanderbilt Complete Book of Etiquette, original copyright 1952
Historically, wedding invitations were only sent out by very rich families, were strictly formal and had very rigid rules...white paper, black ink and the basic information about the events. Invitations were delivered two weeks before the affair, double enveloped, so that the inner invitation could be presented to the invitee in pristine condition.
Turn of the century wedding invitation. Image via Outside Fringe.This was basically the norm until after WWII, when there was a boom in the middle class and average families could now afford what used to be designated for only the very rich.
Suddenly, invitations became the norm for every bride. In the 1960s-70s, there was a shift from formal wording and style to a more "personal" and thematic approach, as young women cast aside the traditions of their parents (source).
Early 1920s wedding couple. Note the formality. Image via Babble
Big difference here at this late 1960s wedding. Image via Doyle Doyle
Thankfully, there are no longer hard and fast rules for invitations. To be sure, there is proper etiquette one should follow when sending out invitations, but there is a lot more flexibility when it comes to style, colors, delivery, etc.
Wedding invitations are often the first taste guests will have of the theme of your wedding. Not only do they convey important information (the whos/whats/wheres), they give the guests a feel for what they should be expecting.
If they receive a hand calligraphed invitation on heavy card stock, they will most likely expect a more formal affair.
Traditional engraved calligraphy wedding invitations. Image via Scriptura.Yet, if they receive a vintage style circus invite, they might look forward to something a little bit more whimsical.
Custom Circus wedding invitations. Image via Incredible Vintage Etsy Shop.Invitations are meant to be personal and are often held on to as a keepsake. Knowing that, be creative and think about how you want them to come across!
That being said, there are still a few rules you should (note: SHOULD, not HAVE TO) follow:
1. Keep your addressing formal. This may seem really old-fashioned, but it conveys a sense of respect to your guests, and also highlights the importance of the occasion.
Hand calligraphed formal wedding invitations. Image via Love Letters Calligraphy.2. On the same topic, you should hand address your invitations. There is something much more personal and sincere about receiving a handwritten envelope than one with a label. Again, it may seem old fashioned, but it is such a nice gesture. This is why we have bridesmaids :)
Why do you suppose Candice Crawford had 15 bridesmaids? Image via Weddingdresses.com3. Always include a return address; it's just the smart way to go. Amy Vanderbilt says this should go on the front and you can use a label "although that is the least attractive way to do it." This is silly. Just have a return address on there somewhere. My friend hand calligraphed my invitations, and with the stamps and the addressing, the return address was crowding the front. I used a clear label and stuck it on the back. You can even get address stamps made up, which I think is awesome.
Hand calligraphed return address on wedding invitation envelopes. Image via MrandMrsAdams.com
Custom Return address wedding invitation stamp. Image via Create Bake Celebrate.
4. Anything goes for RSVP cards, reception information, etc., but DO use formal wording for the actual invitation. Remember, you are inviting people to your ceremony, not the reception. Ceremonies are formal, so wording should be too.
There are different ways to do this, depending on who is hosting (and yes, this matters, because whoever hosts the reception is in charge of directing the receiving line, greeting guests, etc. etc.). Dates should be written all the way out (Ninth of June Two Thousand and Thirteen) as well as times (Twelve o'clock).
These Downton Abbey inspired wedding invitations are simply perfect. Image via Oh So Beautiful Paper.
5. This one is VERY important: Do not include registry information in your invitation. I know that it is tempting, but here's the thing: Everyone knows that it is proper etiquette to bring the bride and groom a wedding gift, and everyone also knows that they are supposed to choose that gift from a specific list.
The best way I know how to explain it is by using a birthday analogy. When you invite people over to celebrate your birthday, you know that they are probably going to bring you presents. You don't include on your invitation where you want people to purchase them. Including a registry card in your invitation is like saying you are expecting people to give you a gift (even though you are). The point is, the reason for the invitation is to invite your loved ones to your special day. They will bring you presents; you don't need to remind them. Registry inserts are generally given out with shower invitations.
It is perfectly acceptable to include an insert with your wedding website address and post this information online.
You can have these cards custom made on Etsy shop: Fall for Design.
Thanks to modern technology (printing at home!), great deals on bridal sites, and Etsy, there are ways to design gorgeous wedding invitations on a budget.
The way I see it is that your wedding is the biggest party you will ever throw, and invitations are the first line of contact with your special guests. Making them personal and proper is just another way to show your guests that you care about them.
Happy inviting!!
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